One of my biggest fears as a parent is that Kylie will be a
bully. I could not imagine how a parent
must feel knowing that their child is hurting another child. It would just break my heart! Another big fear I have is that Kylie is the
child being bullied. A situation that I
have found myself in a few times already and I honestly couldn’t tell you if I
am more hurt by seeing it or just plain pissed off about it! I never know how to handle it and that just
aggravates me even more!
For example, on Tuesdays Kylie has swimming lessons. The aquatic center has a café and we usually
sit and have lunch afterwards, since class ends at 11:30. Two weeks ago a little boy and a little girl,
both just older than Kylie (I would guess 3-4) were there with their moms
enjoying lunch after their swim class.
They went to the play area afterwards and seemed quite pleasant. Kylie noticed them playing and asked if she
could go. I told her that she needed to
finish her lunch first and by the time she did so they had already left. Fast forward to last Tuesday. Same time, same place. One slight difference, the little girl’s mom
was not there. She was instead with her
dad. Not sure that it really matters but
thought I’d throw it out there. Anyway,
they ran off to play. Kylie finished her
lunch and asked if she could go. Of
course, I said yes. She eagerly got off
the chair and proceeded to run over to where the boy was playing. They had a small interaction and then he went
over to the actual play area and joined the girl. This is where things get interesting.
Kylie walks over to the area. She stops near them and just watches. She doesn’t speak and she doesn’t try to join
them. She simply walked over and scanned
the area. I’m not sure if she was
checking the two of them out, or if she was just checking out what toys were
around. I notice then that the girl
sticks her tongue out at Kylie. The boy laughs
and starts to get up (he was sitting with his feet under his bottom and then
got up on his knees, if that makes sense).
He then pointed at Kylie and I’m pretty sure that he made the motion
with his hands like he was punching. Knowing
how the rest of the story goes, my mind could be exaggerating this. Maybe he wasn’t making a punching motion, I
really can’t say for sure. Right after
this took place, Kylie walked over to the toy basket. I continued to watch, because as I said, at
this time I wasn’t sure if what I thought I saw had actually taken place. Kylie didn’t seem to be fazed by it so I just
continued to observe.
While she was looking at the books and going through them
her back was turned to the other 2. It
was at this point that the little girl started pointing at Kylie again and it
seemed as though the 2 were having a private conversation. Neither were speaking, just laughing and
pointing at Kylie. The girl then got up,
walked over behind Kylie, leans in toward her and starts sticking her tongue
out. While doing this, she was shaking
her head from side to side like she was saying “ha, ha”. I almost lost it! Right about the time I started to get up out
of my chair to go over and say something the girl started looking toward me and
noticed that I saw her. The look I had
on my face must have reflected exactly how I was feeling, because she stopped
immediately, looked down at the floor and walked away. I wanted to punch the little girl in the
face! Is it wrong to say that? That I actually wanted to punch a 4 year old
in the face??
All the while, Kylie had no clue what was going on. She stood there, reading the books, playing politely
on her own and my heart sank. I sat back down and thought about what had just
happened. I replayed it over and over
again in my head. Had she done something
that I didn’t see to upset the boy and girl? Did she say something to them that
might have made them upset? Was it
possible that I missed something? The
answer was no. I am positive that Kylie
did nothing, but go over there and play on her own. Yes, she did stop near them, but I did not
hear her say anything nor did I see her make any motions toward them. They simply did it because they thought it
was funny. They picked on my child to
entertain themselves. The entire time
this was going on their parents had no clue.
They were having a conversation and aside from the occasional glance up,
they didn’t have the slightest idea what their 2 kids had just done.
I debated saying something, but decided not to for 2
reasons. 1 – What I had to say wouldn’t
have been nice. I was too upset and too
hurt to not say what I wanted to say. 2 –
Last time I said something to a parent about their child fighting with Kylie
the parent got visibly upset (long story short Kylie had a toy the other girl
wanted. Kylie said no and the girl got
physical. Kylie walked away with red and
purple scratches and marks all down her neck and chest. The mom was too busy chatting with other
people to even notice what happened. I
saw them fighting but the grabbing happened as I was walking over there to separate
them. I brought it up to the mom and we’ll
just say we had a difference of opinion).
A few minutes later the girl started playing with a
basket. She was putting it over her head
and twirling around. Kylie thought it
was funny. She walked over to them
laughing. When the girl started taking
the basket off of her head Kylie tried to help get if off. The girl screamed “no” so I stood up and
asked Ky to come over to me. By then it
was too late. Her feelings were hurt and
she shut down. When she gets embarrassed
she shuts down. She stops what she’s
doing, looks at the ground, pulls her hands into her chest and doesn’t
move. For me, it’s heartbreaking to
see. She just stood there, completely embarrassed. About this time the girl’s dad started paying
attention. He told her she needed to
share. I told him that Kylie didn’t want
the basket. That she was simply just
trying to interact with them. He told
her again to share and I realized that he just didn’t get it. Either he didn’t get it or he just didn’t
care. Either way, I was pissed and I
walked over to get my daughter. I tried
to make it okay. I picked her up gave
her a big kiss and started to tickle and play with her. She started laughing and we got our stuff and
left.
I spent the rest of the day trying to make up for it. Kylie seemed to be completely over it, but I
was devastated. What would make a 4 year
old out right be mean to someone? Where
did she learn to do that? Why would a
3-4 year old think that was funny? I
just don’t get it. Even though I noticed
the girls dad glance up as all the tongue sticking-out was going on I have no
clue if he actually saw it. I have to
believe that he didn’t, because what kind of parent would ignore that type of behavior
coming from their own child? Had it been Kylie acting like that I would have
walked right over to her and made sure that she knew it was not acceptable
behavior. She would have apologized and
play time would have been over with. I’m
sure he couldn’t have seen how his daughter was acting. He couldn’t have, right?!
Later that night I told Jamie about the incident. He was devastated as well. After our talk I asked him, “At what age do
you start considering a kid to be a bully?”
His answer, “However old those two were today”. I have to say, I 100% agree with him.
No comments:
Post a Comment